good byes.

      Have you ever thought of that word? Good bye…what’s good about it? For most of my life growing up it was full of a lot of good byes. Good byes to superficial things like fashion trends, concerts and bands, and what’s hot and not. Then there are good bye’s of deeper things…good bye’s from boyfriends who were so wrong for me, good bye’s from friends, stages and seasons in life, and most heart crushingly a good bye from my Dad. I never thought I would be in that category. That group…you know what I’m talking about if your parents are divorced. It’s that,”Oh, your parents are divorced…” thing that sticks to your heart like unwanted or used up gum. Then there’s that pre-concieved label that all girls who don’t have their Daddy’s will end up as a statistic. As true as it might be it doesn’t fill that gaping hole. That hole that’s shaped like my father.

   Divorce to me is more tragic then death. Divorce is a choosing to leave, a choosing to break a commitment and walk out with no strings attached. I’ve watched as my Dad provided for other women’s kids yet neglected to fulfill my own. Yet I still long for a relationship with him. To have that closeness and the urgency in my heart for him to come back to God.

I didn’t want to get all personal on this post. But this is what’s on my cerebral tonight.  A missing. A missing of my Dad and knowing that somewhere under this big sky of stars and galaxies he’s there, out there and I want and need him in my life.

I’ll never give up on you Dad. But know that God is the one who will truly be able to love you better than my human short-comings.



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